Jerry Calls
by darkrocklove
Summary: Never take a call who knows what happens when you do.Naruto Knows this now that Neji has called.
1. Jerry Calls pt 1:It was on TV

Disclamer: Not mine but I soooo want them to be, nothing has been gained from making this story it's just fun with fiction!  
Sum: Never pick up the phone when you think something is not right.  
Parings: SasuNaru,GaaNeji...ItaNeji..kind of. 0o;  
Warnings: Mentioned Mpreg..Humour...of course Yaoi..is that even needed for a warning though. ;, also this is an school AU.

Naruto was a happy camper, He was snuggled with his boyfriend of four years Sasuke Uchiha and was not going to move from his  
spot on the couch.  
They just got back from a party for their friend Hinata Hyuuga and everyone was out of it more then normal since it was a weekend party and  
no school was the next day and no parents were at the party.

Him and Sasuke left early because a book somehow flew towards them and hit Sasuke on the head while he was talking to Kiba..well  
he was really glaring at the other young man since he said that Naruto looked like he could bend pretty far as well as something with a dog  
that Naruto did not want to think about. When Sasuke was knocked forward he fell into Neji Hyuuga who walked into the room with a punch bowl and the  
bowl fell on the long haired young man and his clothing.

Let just say Neji loved his clothing and what he had on cost alot to say the least and his boyfriend Gaara picked it out for him, so the Hyuuga male  
stood still as if he was no covered in red punch that was dripping onto the floor and Kiba's dog was licking it up off the floor and off of him. Gaara who is  
known not to really react to much and had a very cool way of taking things in stride moved out the room when he felt the chill in the room..smart man  
because the moment Neji did react Kiba and Sasuke was on the ground holding their heads as Neji screamed at them both for messing up...his clothing  
now he could have been mad about the party being ruined and his cousin feelings but no his clothing being messed up cost him and Gaara.(who was still  
out the room) their fun later.

Needless to say Naruto who was laughing at his boyfriend and friend on the ground (Well in a corner huddled together..not that they would admit it) with an irate Neji holding a fan(you know those fans..Sanzo from Saiyuki has them..I had one..) waving it at them, No one knows who gave it to Neji but everyone think that it was Ino who looked to innocent to be true...oh yeah so they left the party since Sasuke was getting a headache from the hits..yes hits since Neji got a few more shots in before Gaara pulled him away.

So here they were at Naruto's house in front of a TV when the phone ringed, now Naruto as I said was not going to move from his spot in Sasuke arms but the phone kept ringing..and you know how annoying that is so our blond cursed and picked it up with a pissed off Hello since Sasuke was now into a news program.

"Naruto!..you have to help me"

Now Naruto wondered why would Neji(Yes he knew it was Neji since he had caller ID and Hinata would be stuttering the sentence out) would be calling him at this time when his cousin's party was still going.

"..Help..with what?" Naruto asked but in the back of his mind all he heard was 'NOOOO don't ask you have a cuddly Sasuke right now whatever it is does not bode well for you' but being Naruto and as nice as he is could not help but worry and of course wanted to help if he could.

"Gaara going to kill..Itachi" Neji said his voice was hushed as he spoke as if he was hiding somewhere, Naruto was wondering why Gaara wanted to kill Sasuke brother...even if Sasuke himself wanted to do the same thing but thats was only because Itachi always flirted with Naruto and got the car Sasuke wanted plus the peanut butter incident but we are not going to go into that scary place.

"Um...why?" Was the only thing Naruto could say what can you say to hearing someone wanting to kill someone else..nothing really but then Naruto had to say something so why was the best thing.

"He is my baby's daddy" Neji said and Naruto blinked then looked at Sasuke then blinked again before having thoughts of Jerry in his head and Neji on the pole.

"Excuse me..." Naruto said as he got up and walked out the room Sasuke already lounged on the couch forgetting their snuggle session and was now really into the news which was telling the weather.

"Well...um see we hooked up when Gaara was in jail for ramming into that women who was talking on the phone as she driving and the light was green" Neji said and Naruto nodded remembering since he was in the car at the time and they had a major test in school that day so he did not blame the red head for being in a hurry I mean it was half their grade.

"Sure...um but how in hell did you hook up with Itachi...no never mind it's best I do not know the courts might ask me to be a witness and the less I know the less time on the stand I will be." Naruto said as he rubbed his temples.

"See when he saw the baby he thought maybe he just had my family's hair...but the eyes gave it away and he just asked me well made me tell him who the father was and of course I told him" Neji voice got lower and Kiba was heard in the background yelling at Shino for being a bore.

"Neji..wouldn't I don't know lying come to mind or something else other then the truth..I mean I have nothing to wear to a funeral or court" Naruto said with a sigh as he sat at the kitchen table.

"I know thats why I am calling" Neji said then a loud bang was heard in the background and Hinata's voice was yelling about the beer running out.

"So you need to know what to do to stop Gaara?" Naruto asked as he looked up at the ceiling, he heard the TV being turned up with the news talking about a new big story.

"No..he is already gone..I just want to know if you know if I would look good in my black Versace suit or is it better for a funeral?" Neji asked making Naruto blinking come back full force.

Sasuke walked into the kitchen as Naruto still was blinking and sat next to him taking the phone and closing it off.

"Why is my brother on the news speeding down the highway with Gaara behind him.."Sasuke asked like it a normal event of the night.

"Neji and Itachi had sex while Gaara was in jail..and Kenta is your nephew" Naruto said as he shook his head as the calls of 'Jerry' came back into his head.

"Oh..well he better not kill my brother he owes me his life from That incident" Sasuke said as he shivered never again will he enjoy peanut butter.

As they got quite the front door opened and Itachi came in and Naruto ran to the living room and passed the now crawling Itachi and saw his house on TV.

"damn it my father is going to kill me if he sees the house on the news again!" Naruto yelled and Sasuke pulled him aside just as Gaara came into the house glaring at the down older man that was still crawling.

Naruto looked on as Itachi was dragged back out the house calling out to his brother but the way he called out was not the right way since ' Help me you weak little shit' dose not make someone move faster. and the fact that Gaara had a really big bat in his hand told both it was best just to rent suites for the funeral or at least get a room at the hospital ready.

"Why are the police letting this happen?" Naruto asked as the shinny lights from the news chopper was still overhead.

"I think they are afraid of Gaara...and the news station needs the ratings." Sasuke said as he closed the door and sat back on the couch, Naruto sat back with him and his dark haired boyfriend turned the channel just as Gaara lifted the bat.

"Damn sweeps week" Naruto said as he snuggled back into Sasuke and looked at the new reality show.

As Itachi was being beating within an inch of his life Neji looked in on his son while his cousin was being put to bed after she passed out in Sakura's lap and the others were around the TV looking at the news.

"Damn I knew I should have just went shopping for new things yesterday" Neji said went into his room and looked at the suits he had lined up on his bed.

End.  
I hope it was not so bad I liked it... 


	2. Jerry Calls pt 2:Court Dates 1

Disclaimer: Do not own, not making anything off of this.

Summery: Even when you think nothing can happen...damn.

Pairings: Same as the first part.

Warnings: See above. same answer there.

Jerry Calls: Court Dates

Walking around the court house Naruto looked at his boyfriend sitting on one of those hard wooden benches, you know the ones that seems to add torture to the waiting well Naruto thought that maybe walking around would be more then better for his butt and back but Sasuke was sitting on the dame thing like nothing was wrong and the blond thought that maybe his boyfriend was just a misogynist until he saw him looking at his brother being brought into the courthouse in a wheelchair and cast on both arms.

"Itachi you look...um better now that the black and blue marks are gone..."Naruto said not knowing what to say to his soon to be brother in -law who was beaten senseless on live TV and giving the local channel a very big ratings boost, Naruto even saw late night talk shows joking about the beaten.

Sasuke smirk grew even more as he looked at his brother, taking care of his brother was worst but he amused himself by leaving without warning and leaving the food just out of reach with a video camera hidden in the room to catch the action was worth it to the younger Uchiha laugh a little insanely in his head but the look he had on his face made his boyfriend move a little away from him.

"Of course I do , not even my loser little brother could look as good as I do even in pain I look like a god...want to ride in my wheelchair Naruto..even in this thing and my limit of movement has to be better then the blob I have for a brother" Itachi said with a sexy smirk..well at least that what it seems like he was trying to do but with a full face mask and small hole it was hard to tell what he was doing, Hell Naruto could not even tell what he was saying. Itachi was a firm believer that he could talk into people minds even if all everyone heard was mumbles out of his mouth.

But someone who knew just what his brother was saying due to him being a little bit obsessed with his older brother was Sasuke and he knew his brother like the back of his hand as well as the front when Naruto was mad at him but that a whole other thing, also the lewd hand movement his brother was doing told him everything.

"Your sick, your making a bad name for the handicap..besides your the one who got yourself into this..I mean how insane do you have to be to tap what's Gaara's"Sasuke said as he kicked Itachi's wheelchair away from Naruto while wondering how his brother got so close to his boyfriend in the first place.

"Well..it's Neji's fault too Sasuke" Naruto reminded his boyfriend as he sat in the torture chair. Itachi pusher was standing off in the sidelines talking on the phone as Sasuke kicked his charge a bit closer to the courtroom doors.

"Sasuke leave him alone it not worth it I am getting a headache" Naruto said as he looked at the dark haired young man kicking his mumbling brother he was sure he heard Itachi call Sasuke something with emo in it but his head was pounding and he was to tired to care, when the word Headache came out of his blonde's mouth Sasuke was suddenly sitting next to him holding him in his lap.

The courtroom door opened and Hinata came out holding her nephew in her arms while Neji walked out with his black new suit on, the door hit Itachi who muffled yell was ignored when Neji took his son from Hinata.

"Let me have him you might drop him." Neji said as he moved away from his cousin who looked down at her shaking hands, the A A meetings were kind of working but dealing with Neji made her go more then she needed to.

"Um..y..yes..I ha.have to go.call my sponsor..." With those words Hinata was off leaving Neji to walk over to sit with Naruto ..wait I mean Sasuke with Naruto on his lap.

"So how did it go?" Naruto asked as he played with Kenta who he swear was planing something but he was to young to even think of anything yet...maybe..but Naruto thought he saw the boy giving the Uchiha/Hyuuga 'I am better then you and you have no right to look at me ...look' The poor blond countered the child look with his 'I don't care but when you need me don't look for me look' the baby blinked Naruto raised an eyebrow then got a coo from the child as the tiny hands reached out for him.

"He seems to like you Naruto..maybe if you don't mind you can watch him some time" Neji said with a nice smile on his face that made Sasuke smell BS.

"No we wont have the time so you can take him with you as you shop or just stay home with him instead of leaving him with Hinata or some random delivery person" Sasuke said as he took the baby who was now glaring at him and giving him back to his pale eyed friend.

"Gaara was by here...they lost track of him..security is looking for him now" Gaara's sister Temari said as she walked up her eyes were darting around as if she expected to find her baby brother lurking somewhere. "I lost track of Kankuro...four minutes ago all I have is his cell phone"

Naruto and Sasuke(Who were the only ones who knew where Itachi was) Looked for the older Uchiha not finding him anywhere around..well his wheelchair was there but Itachi was messing.

"So thats why I heard frantic mumbling" Neji said the sighed knowing the court date would be set back until the missing were found.(I mean come on all he needed was four hours in the new clothing store down the block).

"I am going home " Sasuke said as he pulled a confused Naruto with him towards the exit.

"But your brother?" Naruto said as he walked with his boyfriend while still looking for the other dark heired older man.

"I am sure he will show up...but think of it this way if he doesn't we can use his room as a personal gym" Sasuke said with a grin since he knew what kind of Gym he had in mind..and it was not the same kind Naruto was thinking about.

TBC..

Where is Itachi, Gaara, and poor Kankuro..

Will Neji get a sucker...um I mean babysitter for Kenta?

We still do not know what Sasuke has against Peanut Butter...

And what the hell kind of handler lets his charge get messed with then not notice he is gone..

I mean..I even lost track of Itachi and the Handler so I can't say much lol

Maybe all will be answer soon or maybe Sasuke will open a line of Sex Gym's...;


	3. Jerry Calls: Court Dates 2

Disclamer: No I do not own Naruto...damn wish I did though

Summery: It never stops...

Parings: SasuNaru, GaaNeji..and yes ItaNeji

Warnings:Mention of Mpreg, Yaoi, Crack,OOC

Flashback _Ho flashes!!! dude the colors...um yeah._

Jerry Calls: Court Dates 2

Yes our blond was sitting in the courtroom with his boyfriend again, they found Gaara and they found Itachi as well as Gaara's brother(Well what was left of him..and we do not want to mention what happend to the little figurine he always had with him), Now the redhead was charged with other crimes.

Neji spent most of the time talking to the media who now swarmed the court building when Gaara went missing along with the others, light blue eyes looked around and sighed his boyfriend was glaring at his brother who was suddenly healed from his injuries and looked better then ever. Naruto did not want to think about what it the doctor charged for that to happen..matter of fact he noticed that the doctor went missing.

_The day was started out fine, Naruto hugging Sasuke as the dark hair man ran his hands through the blonds hair and they were just about to have some time to themselves when Itachi walked in._

_Sasuke growled the normal 'mine' as he covered Naruto who was half dressed and all red and the older dark haired man raised an eyebrow and smirked at the two before walking closer making Sasuke growl 'mine you lanky basterd' and Naruto could have sworn his boyfriends eyes were red for a moment._

_"Um..Itachi..what happened to your wheel chair? and cast?" Naruto asked as he was the only one at the moment in the room who thought it was stranged that the crippled older male was standing not to long after being found in a dark room under the courthouse chained to a wall...with Gaara holding a flame trower and pipe.(We are not goign to think about what those things were for you come up with that yourselves)._

_"I am just a perfect healer..something my brother can't even do..I mean look at him he hasn't even gotten over the pe-" Itachi never got to finseh what he was going to say beacuse he now had his brother pouncing on him and using his wonderful hair as a noose._

_"DIE DIE YOU TEST TUBE REJECT!!" Sasuke screamed as the flashes of his trauma went through his head, Naruto wonder why he never got the medication the doctor said Sasuke needed before pulling his boyfriend off his brother who was now going blue..blinking as he looked at the older man Naruto had to say he even turned blue normally..not the spotty blue people tend to trun but blue all around._

_"Itachi please do not talk about you know what..remeber what the doctor said" Naruto said sighing as the older man cought his breath, taking Sauske in the other room Naruto said calming words to him before letting his boyfiend lay on his chest sucking his thumb._

Yes that was not a good day it got worst when Itachi went and made a sandwhich in front of his brother, Naruto never wanted to see if Itachi could hold a high scream...(Very high the people in the house three doors down from what the police report said).

Looking at the witness stand Hinata was on, Naruto smiled at his friend as she spoke to the lawyer in front of her. the blond knew that his friend was on something just to be up there but it did not show since she has been on something all her life so her outside apperace could fool anyone.

Lawyer: So you are saying you knew about your cousin affair?

Hinata: Yes...I mean how can I not know when he and Itachi was doing it on my bed..and the counter and the tub and the..

Naruto blinked as Hinata kept listing places and wonder how Gaara did not know since he heard one of the places was behind Gaara when they all were at the movies.

Sasuke eyes lit up with some of the ideas as he looked at the blond next to him and held his hand the layed it on his problem building up with a small smirk on his face at the cute blush that was now on Naruto's cheeks.

Neji finally came into the court room and noticed everyone eyes were on him and all had a look of awe in them, shaking his head he sat behind Naruto and Sasuke who was now closer and the dark haired man seemed to be turning red.thinking nothing of it Neji looked at Itachi who gave him a sexy smirk with swollen lips.

Neji now heard what Hinata was saying and paled as he slowly looked at Gaara who was now glaring at him, he knew he should have gave her more potent stuff.

Lawyer(who was now pale):..Um..that would be all..

Hinata: But I did not mentioned what they used...now lets see that double edge Dil.

Neji slumped over in his chair since now all his secerets where out thanks to his drugged up cousin, he was thinking of sueing AA since what ever they were doing did not work he forgot the fact that he gave his cousin the things.

Gaara was now clawing at the table as the things that went down with him not there and the things that happened when he was around was told to everyone, glaring at the older man who had a fat lip the red head noticed Neji used some of the same things with him...

TBC..

Well nothing was told since that flashback came to me...I mean I even want to know what the Peanut butter thing is but Sasuke wont tell me...--;

Also I am sorry it is so short..it came to me and I had to write it before others came..it's scary.0o


End file.
